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Authenticity

This is going to be extremely unfocused and it’s really just about various things I’ve been thinking about lately. Not sure of the point of it yet, i just have a lot of feelings and want to write about them.

One thing I’ve always liked about myself is my enthusiasm for things, and my ability to get enthusiastic about things, and like things unapologetically even if they weren’t cool or they were too “mainstream” or unintellectual. I’ve always unabashedly liked the things that I liked and critics be damned. This includes music and books and movies and everything. I can’t stand people who are snobs about media.

If someone likes something and it makes them happy and you come along and the only thing you have to say about it is how it’s rubbish and they should be consuming this other, better thing, then I don’t have time for you and you need to find better things to do with your time. You need to gain your self esteem in places other than lording your superior taste in entertainment over people.

I’ve drawn this conclusion purely because I grew up in a very conservative home with extremely right wing, extremely homophobic parents. i was convinced i was asexual for the longest time because I never had any interest in boys. It dawned on me when I was about 15 or 16 that it might be because I actually like girls and in my little teenaged heart I was a lesbian. (I’m not. I’m bisexual. But I did identify as lesbian for a few years). When you’re a young lesbian at school and you can’t come out to anyone, you tend to form these really intense relationships with other (usually straight) girls. Which I did. With one girl in particular. You always hope they’ll like you the way you like them, but they never do. They like boys. They talk about boys, and you can’t understand why because teenaged boys are the absolute dregs of humanity. They are crude and rude and stupid and it baffles you why your lovely, sweet, interesting friends want anything to do with them.

Anyway, when you’re always rejected and no one you want ever wants you back and you have to watch people love things and people that you don’t, you learn very quickly, that there is no point in trying to make people like things they don’t. And that it’s stupid to try, because you wouldn’t want them trying to change you either.

And it happens so often with the things that young women love. The things that are popular with young women are so often devalued and seen as inferior. There is a simple reason for this: young women and girls are not valued in society. So the things that they love are not valued.

no no. That’s not the point. ugh. This went in a different direction to where I wanted it to go, but I promised myself that this blog was not about perfection, it was only about writing and I’ve written it now so now you have to deal with it. Later when I have a message more clearly formulated I’ll try to write another thing.

Stuff and things

i got busy with life stuff and forgot i had this blog. I think I’ll make it a policy to update every Friday.

Things that happened in the interim:

1. I made some progress studying up on stuff i have no vested interest in so I can get to the interesting stuff I actually need to know so I can do my book’s premise justice. Which is a sign of maturity I think.

2. i discovered that if i write an outline at the op of the page, i can write like 3000 words an hour as opposed to my usual 500 words of absolute crap when i try to write without an outline. 

3. My cat thinks that if i sit in any chair and then get up that it turns into his chair and he is very offended if i try to move him OR sit in any other chair because then the new chair becomes his chair, and HOW VERY DARE I sit in his chair.